Confession time. Deep breath in and out.............ready? My name is Desperate Housedaughter, and I'm afraid of airplanes. Yeah. Like, terrified of them. Like, just the sight of them makes me gag a little and then want to cry. The worst part of having this fear is of course that generally speaking, I have to get on an airplane now and then, although I'm getting creepily better at avoiding that wholeheartedly, but the next worst thing is when my family members get on one. EEEEEEKKKKK let the crazy ensue!
My father and sister are going to Iran to pay a visit to the homeland today, and frankly, I'm all unhappily aflutter. For you English majors (or English lovers) out there, please note that this is an inappropriate use of the word "aflutter," but suffice it to say that DEAL WITH IT IT'S HOW I FEEL. I'm tingly from my fingertips to the ends of my mop of hair, and not in a good way.
What makes this particular fear quite horrible is that I didn't used to be afraid of flying! I used to see and touch and sit in airplanes with ease and even delight!! Aren't they so cool?? They take you places quickly and you can see pretty mountains and valleys from above! Super! Take me to Paris!!
Oh airplanes, if only you and I still had these lovely feelings between us. Instead, I now have panic attacks in you, fear your tiny seats with no room to move or breathe, cower in terror at your TSA agents poking and prodding everyone like we're about to be startin' something, get testy and spazzy with any weird noise or bump you make, and let's just face it, hate your atrocious entertainment programming (except for one time when they showed Ugly Betty reruns. That show rocked the s*it.).
Today I have to drive my dad (and all of his clean underwear) to the airport, and basically once I get near there, I'll stick my fingers in my eyeballs and say "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA" which I realize doesn't exactly assist in driving safely or otherwise making me feel good, but I'll wait to do it once I've come to a complete stop.
Universe, please help me get over my fear of airplanes. I'd like to go to Paris again sometime, and I'd also like to not choke on my swelling throat when I drop off my loved ones at the airport. Take care of my Dad and Sister on their journey to the homeland!