Thursday, March 10, 2011

Potty Time is Private Time

I don't know about you, but while I'm using the bathroom, I prefer not to converse with anyone.  This applies to public restrooms as well, even when I enter one with a friend and we're mid-conversation.  Frankly, especially then!  It should be girl code that you just shut up while you pee.  For real.  Even when I'm home alone, I close the bathroom door lest the cat decide that she's interested in what's going on in there.  Bottom line is, in Desperate Housedaughter's world, potty time is private time.

My mom, either disrespectful of boundaries or generally oblivious, somehow has fine-tuned NASA level radar for when I'm on the toilet.  She may not speak to me for hours, but the second I use the bathroom, she has something pressing to say to me.  I've had, embarassingly, more than one talk with her about the fact that I'd prefer that she wait until I've exited the bathroom before speaking to me about anything.  She obliges for a few days, then one day she knocks on the door to chat because she really needs to know right away how to spell the word "omelette."

Here's a list of fun questions my mom has asked me during my potty time:

1)  Where is my purse?
2)  Why don't you brush your hair?  I don't understand why curly haired people can't use hairbrushes!
3)  Are you thinking about grad school?  Or a job? 
4)  Do you want to be a dentist like me?  I know some great post-bac programs.
5)  Are you serious that curly haired people don't brush their hair??  That's disgusting!
6)  PHONE!  PHONE!  Please pick up the phone!!!
7)  Do you think our kitchen needs more cabinets?
8)  Can you come help me change the sheets on the bed now?
9)  Do you have a spare shower curtain?

Mom!  I love you!  Let me pee in peace!  It'll make me less grouchy, trust.  You know what I think is at play ultimately here?  I think she knows that while I'm in the WC, she has me cornered, and when I'm cornered, she can ask me life's important or mundane questions and I have NO ESCAPE.  Dang it all.  In the matter of bathroom chatty time, the score is:  Mom 1, D.H. 0. 

I just told my mom about this post, and she goes, "I know what this is going to say!  Every time I go to piss, my mom wants to talk to me."  See where I get it from?

1 comment:

  1. Too funny!

    My mom is on my case a lot about how I treat my hair too. I only wash it once a week and she finds that horrifying.