Monday, March 14, 2011

Snarky Disaster Coping Strategies

Laughter is the best medicine, blah blah blah, of course not if you really need help, in which case food or medical attention may be the best medicine.  Like right now in Japan, they'd probably prefer clothing and shelter and nuclear shielding. 

I'm not trying to make light of the situation in Japan.  I'm so sorry for those people and their loss of life and livelihood.  Here is a link to the Red Cross if you are able to donate

Please note, though, that the rest of this post includes snarking about disaster scenarios and may offend those who are feeling sensitive:  reader discretion is advised!

I am in the midst of this gchat conversation with one of my besties, Sarah:

D.H.: sarah!
what is going on in the world? specifically japan????
sarah: I got home thursday night and my roommate was watching TV... what the H*** is wrong with news reporters they just flew over all these ppl calling for help and left them!
D.H.: oh man, yeah i have no idea
it's crazy overall
makes me definitely not want to move anywhere near the pacific ocean
also makes me sure the apocalypse is night
sarah:   I'd rather deal with an earthquake than a hurricane
D.H.:  well now it seems like earthquakes come with tsunamis
which are basically meaner hurricanes
sarah:   there are these crazy ppl who are driving up and down the country saying the apocolypse has started and the world will end in November.... maybe not so crazy ;) 
D.H.:  yeah for real
apparently earth hates us
which, let's face it
sarah:   yeah, I'd hate us too
D.H.:  i'm waiting for the yellowstone caldera to erupt any day now
now moving to my own private island is less appealing
unless of course my island home is at an elevation of at least 2000 feet
sarah:   hahaha
it would be awesome.
maybe an underground, waterproof bunker could work?
D.H.:  i feel like no matter what, though, it'd spring a leak
sarah:   somthing with an escape hatch, but nothing else above ground?
but then you would drown and that would be super sad
D.H.:  well hav eyou seen that thing on the history channel
about people fearing the end of the world in 2012
sarah:   no?
D.H.:  so they're buying the underground bunkers in th emidwest
yeah, no joke
there are realtors just for those!
i can't believe people are buying bunkers!
like, i'm nuts, for sure
but here's the thing - if the world is coming to an end, like for real
i'd rather just expire quickly myself than fight it out in an underground bunker
sarah:   hahah omg
that is awesome
D.H.:  i kind of want to put an opinion poll up on my blog about this
sarah:   if the end of the world comes when in I am in LA, I hope I just get wiped out with the rest of the population
there isn't any water here -- it is a desert!!!!
anyone who survives is going to just die of thirst
totally not cool
D.H.:  yeah that's what i'm saying!
it's like, if you're going to have to fight for survival
then f*** it!
why wouldn't you just be like, PEEACE OUT B*TCHES!!! and just face an immediate death rather than the potential for a drawn out one that is relatively unpredictable
sarah:   haha, well it might be fun in the northwest, but I'd only do it places where they still have widllife and natural water.... and the midwest doesn't!!!! if you are going to be a survivalist, they should at least choose the right area!!
no point in struggling in a non sustainable area... that is when I just hole up and find something fun to do for the last few days ;)
D.H.:  yeah agreed, however in any other scenario
i'd make some mac and cheese and hug fatty until the certain end arrived
sarah:   love it!
so on the same page with that
though I guess I'd be hugging my dog
D.H.:  you can come join me
assuming you can get to me
i'll make extra mac and cheese
sarah:  haha, I'll make the trek with an extra box of powdered milk for the mac and cheese
as I pass all the silly ppl trying to survive on my way to boston, i'd say no thanks, I am just heading to a friends to eat mac and cheese and laugh at the world for our last few days
D.H.:  they'll all be terrified and you'll be like, whatevs we're watching Supernatural and eating dairy

Dear readers, I ask of you - what would you do in the event of a disaster of epic proportions?  Run, fight, or join me for mac and cheese?  Please RSVP if so - I need to know how much to make.  Let me know what you would do in the comments!

1 comment:

  1. Every time I see a preview for a disaster movie, my first thought is that I would not be one of the ragtag team of survivors, I'm sure I would be dead in the first three minutes of the movie.