Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Inevitable Has Occurred

Friends, readers, friend-readers - THE DAY CAME!  I MOVED OUT OF MY PARENTS' HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAOAOHWOAHHAHAAAOOOOO!!!!!!

That's right, DH finally got her shiznackle together and decided to haul ass to her own locale.  I have many people and things to thank for this, including but not limited to the following:  my parents, a certain bestie named Sarah H------g, turning 29, the South, and of course, my therapist.  What?  I'm like Ron Artest/Metta World Peace.  It's the 2011's, people!

I have moved to a not-so-distant semi-urban neighborhood that is a short jaunt to my parents' home (and my dearest Fatty who will not be living with me for the time being).  I'm also starting a class to get certified to teach ESL, so I'll be occupied doing that.

Ok enough about me!  Let's talk about how moving out does not actually disqualify you from still being, even in absentia, a Desperate Housedaughter!

Example A:  Not 2 days after my arrival in my new apartment, I get the following phone call:

[Phone - ring ring!]

DH:  Hello?  Hi Dad!

Dad:  I don't friggin' understand this friggin' thing, what the FRACK?

DH:  Dad, what are you talking about?

Dad:  The clothes washer!  Do I turn the button to the left or to the right or under the...??

DH:  What?  What button?  Are you doing laundry?  No no no no make Mom do it!  You'll screw it up.

Dad:  [Whining] DH, c'mon please just explain it to me :(.....  [Incidentally, not only have I explained to him how to do laundry at least 5 times before, I've also physically showed him at least 10 times.  Seriously, he's 61!!!  Get with the program, yo!]

DH:  Ok, turn the dial all the way to the equivalent of 8 o'clock on a clock.

Dad:  WHAT?  It's 8 o'clock????????????

DH:  NO!  OMG for realz dude, the button.  8 o'clock.  DO IT.

12 minutes of explaining later, I think he got it working, but honestly, who knows.

Example B:

[Phone - ring ring!]

DH:  Hello?  Hi Dad!


DH:  Oh boy, what now?

Dad:  I have to take my car to get an oil change.  Can you do it?

DH:  Um, why?

Dad:  Please? 

DH:  Why can't you do it over the weekend?


DH:  Shit, dude, are you for real?  [click]

There was a third phone call involving a request to get a friend, drive the friend to my Dad's car parked in a parking lot, and have the friend and I drive the two cars home so Dad could take the subway to the airport and not leave his car behind in the process.  Mm hmmm.  Seems like my Dad is the one who is missing the housedaughteriness more than he imagined!

Anyway, readers, since a housedaughter's work is never done, I'll keep coming to you with my stories, so please keep reading, and sorry for the 2 month gap!  I'm back better than ever, though!



  1. I just love your stories. I have to admit that if I were to move out, my nearly 61 year old husband would also have trouble doing the laundry, not to mention getting dressed or packing for a trip.

    Congrats on your new home and give Fatty a big hug from me.

  2. Hahaha! Congratulations and yes, I think you will still have lots of great stories to tell about your parents.

  3. Really, 3 phone call requests isn't that bad... I thought it would be worse!