Thursday, May 26, 2011

Online fun?

Desperate Housedaughter is single and ready to mingle!  Ok, that's kind of a lie.  I'm single and hesitant to mingle.  I'm generally afraid of people and prefer to watch Ugly Betty reruns rather than, well, a lot of stuff.  Because of this proclivity, you can imagine that although I go out quite often and try new things, I tend to do so with my Mom or other person with whom I have solid rapport already.  Mom, you're in NYC this weekend partying with your friends!  I miss you!

Yeah that's right I just gave a shout-out to my Mom.  Due to being a 28 year old who gives mom shout-outs on her blog, I've had many friends suggest to me that I buck up, join the current population of Earth instead of continuing to behave like I'm in Ye Olde Days, and sign up for online dating.  I reminded them that I came to blogging about 15 years too late, but they said that's no excuse and I need to get on board more quickly.  So, finally, after much struggle and waves of nausea, I signed up for one of them websites last weekend.

My friends have been SO SUPER EXCITED!!!!  They've helped me with my profile, decided on pictures, and were, and are, generally all perky and encouraging.  Despite their efforts, however, instead of feeling like this about online dating:

I feel more like this:

My friend Anna told me not to have a bad attitude.  Oh, Anna, while you speak words of wisdom, you know I'm incapable of following them!  I'm a Virgo and I know that if I don't like something right away that I will probably never like it.  There have been exceptions to this, of course, but yeah.  Does not bode well.  And let me admit that I have a VERY bad attitude about online dating.

I got the standard creeps right away sending me messages like, "you r hot.  nice pics" and "let's get together and speak Persian" but written in Persian/English.  LAAAME.  The danged thing even matched me with a high school friend's older brother.  That was particularly enlightening, especially because I had a minor week-long crush on that kid when I was 14.  But I digress.

Then I got messages from two seemingly nice, normal guys.  They both have jobs, are into music, are freakishly tall (not a requirement, but entertaining nonetheless), and are age appropriate.  Despite their on-the-surface normalcy and my attempt at open-mindedness, I gotta tell you, I have pretty much no interest in meeting either one of them in a romantic type of setup. 

This is my question, and here, beautiful readers, you can advise me since you all are brilliant and go on many dates and aren't holed up like this Desperate Housedaughter:  How does one figure out dating?  I realize this is the age-old question, and many tv shows, movies, and books have been dedicated to it, but it's like I'm feeling it for the first time!  I am CLUELESS. 

Do I go on dates like I go on job interviews - to even the ones I'm pretty sure I don't want just to get more practice and give it a shot, or do I not think of it like that because it's a real dude and his real $25 buying me dinner?  I don't freaking know.  Help me, readers!  I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm not sure I'm that into it, so I beseech you to help me figure out what to do and improve my attitude!  Comment me some advice, you lovelies, cause I NEED IT.


  1. melody you are lovely and hilarious. yes it's kind of like an interview but who wouldn't love you? have fun and hey, it's a free meal with a nice man.

  2. Ooh, I gots slightly more than two cents to share on this topic. Here goes.

    Ooookay, so I’ve only spent maybe 6 months of my lifetime actively on the “dating scene,” but those brief 6 months were spent with a very busy flurry of dating activity both of the meeting-in-real-life and online-dating persuasions. I can’t speak for all ladies of the dating world, but in my experience during this window of time, the guys I met the old-fashioned way over the course of daily life were seriously low-quality goods. Either they were dumb or they had no personality, or the dreaded combination of dumb-and-also-with-no-personality. Which is why I then took a stab at online dating, and then found that the quality level suddenly skyrocketed! Thing is, you have very limited control over who you meet in daily life, which severely limits the odds of meeting someone who you actually like and have things in common with and can have a decent conversation with and all that business. But online, it’s different! Suddenly there’s a vast sea of options, and if someone seems dumb or boring or mixes up their usage of “your” and “you’re,” you can immediately rule them out! And to be sure, the majority of the guys will have to be ruled out. But what’s left over afterwards can be surprisingly wonderful. You’ll suddenly see a guy who loves the same book that you love, or a guy who’s hilariously funny, or a guy who runs a special home for wee little rescued blind puppies, or some other types of terrific attributes. All I know is that I weeded through a gazillion online dating prospects and ultimately met three of these guys in real life, and all three were great! Hell, I even wound up marrying one of them! As for the whole going-on-the-dates process, I’d advise the best approach is to try to go in as relaxed as possible, with minimal expectations, and treat it like you’re just meeting a new friend. It’s not so much about getting all va-va-voom and flirty with a guy right from the start, more like just treating it like a pleasant conversation and seeing what happens. I find that being yourself and keeping it real is the best policy, as long as you make sure that you’re being the best version of yourself, meaning being the most upbeat and least insano version of yourself that you can be without compromising the integrity of your actual personality. As for calming the ol’ nerves before meeting someone in person, many would probably disagree with me here, but I found that nothing beats chugging a mini airplane bottle of hard liquor a block away from wherever you’re meeting your date in order to avoid being all pants-peeingly nervous. No more than one of those mini bottles, though!! And post-date, just work on being chiiiiiiiiill, and keep your dance card sufficiently full that you won’t worry so much whether a guy calls or not. He usually calls sooner or later, anyway.

  3. I Internet date. A lot of people do now. But you do have to be careful and selective and not be surprised if you're throwing out 90% of the messages you get for being from wildly inappropriate people (either in content or in age or background). I get sexually explicit messages from 65 year olds, so there's that :(

    On the other hand I've had some wonderful dates and I'm convinced that it's worth all the terrible stuff online to get to the promising matches.

    I usually go on first dates to a coffee shop so that there isn't much money involved and we can actually talk and get to know each other (plus it's a public place in case he is scary!)

  4. Oh, and you have to just get out there and do it. Go on some bad dates, go on some boring dates, get yourself used to what dates feel like, so you're ready when you get a good one!

  5. I met my wife via Craigslist (just casual encounters, not dating section - we both had cancelled plans that night and were looking for something to do). But I had gone on a few actual internet set-ups before that, and it was good practice. Even if there's no chemistry, you can learn about WHY, and refine what you are looking for.

  6. Thank you to all of you who posted comments and advice here. It's really kind, helpful, and enlightening! I appreciate it :)

  7. Sorry, kiddo. I've been married for a hundred years...long before computer dating, or home computers for that matter, was ever invented. I wish you a lot of luck. You are a terrific person!

  8. I just went back through my Internet dating experiences and found that I have met in real life ten men from dating sites (that's not counting the ones I've just emailed or chatted with and never actually met). I finally have a good prospective, possible future boyfriend from it, but to go through ten disappointing people to get there, it's pretty discouraging.

  9. I agree with the previous comments. You should go on as many dates as possible, even if you're not totally sure about a guy from your email/phone interaction (unless he's giving you the serial killer vibe!!). It's one date. It oculd be great, it could be aweful, it will most likely be ok. It's really about getting some experience, putting your social skills to work. You're not going to meet your husband on your first internet date (most likely, anyway) so approach is an experiment! Have fun! Keep the pressure off him and yourself as much as possible.
    Keep me updated :)

  10. How'd the dates go?! Updates please!